Eye Candy - Kirsty

If I could I would take bones and clean them. I would soak them in water for a long time and keep them in the freezer. They would be cold and flavored like soup. Not like shitty fructose flavored and food colored water that is meant to resemble some type of frozen fruit.
I would suck on them. They would be delicious.


I wish I were a grocery bagger. I would ring up people's items and remember every one. I would take notes when I looked at their drives license. I'd put their tube of KY Jelly into a small bag and look them seriously in the eye and say "I'm telling everyone."

I want to walk around town with a fake severed arm in my purse. Only because a real one would smell and make a mess.
I'd open doors with it.

Exciting elevator conversation: "Want to see my dick?"
I'm female.

If a website made jewelry from fingernails and teeth, I'd probably buy some.
I'd wear them all the time. I'd stop people on the street and hold it up to their face and say "Guess who this was, I know you know." and laugh.

REDWHITEREDWHITEREDWHITE Boring.

If humans had rainbow blood, murder scenes wouldn't be so droll.

If I had eyes in the back of my head I would never use them. I would sew them shut because I spend most of my time alone.


People should start keeping embalming fluid around to scare the vampires away.

I hate the sound of ringing phones. They are coming to get me. They put arsenic in my coffee grounds. But I have to stay awake.
I have to stay awake for hours.

Sometimes I worry that I entertain myself too much because I don't long for any type of human interaction.
Then I talk myself out of worrying.

I saw a monster in my dreams who held a box full of rings open to me. Under the piles of rings was a bed of finger bones. I saw a cute little pinky.
I bet that person was tacky.